Vanilla Cupcakes with Chocolate Chip Filling and White Chocolate Frosting

Heyyy! I'm back, finally. And I have an actual recipe, Vanilla Cupcakes with Chocolate Chip Filling and White Chocolate Frosting. The cupcake component is slightly adapted from another blog and the frostings were inspired by other recipes but I like to think that I "created" the recipe because I put them all together.     :D     Anyway, I made these cupcakes yesterday and they turned out WONDERFUL!!! I shipped a batch to my friend at camp (she's the reason I was even baking something. They were for her.) and hopefully they won't be too squished or stale when she finally gets them.

So here's the recipe:

Double Dose Vanilla Cupcakes 

(adapted from Miss Lemonie, originally from Simply Recipes) 

Yield: for me 9 regular cupcakes and 10 mini cupcakes, would make about 14 regular cupcakes

Ingredients:

1 1/2 Cup plus 2 Tbsp all purpose flour

1/4 tsp salt

1 1/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 Cup (1 stick) butter at room temperature
1 Cup sugar
1 egg plus 2 egg whites
1/2 Cup milk
1/4 Cup vanilla greek yogurt
2 1/2 tsp vanilla extract (separated)

Directions:

1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees and line your cupcake tin with papers.
2. Pour the 1/2 Cup milk and one teaspoon of the vanilla into a small saucepan. On medium heat slowly to just under a simmer. Stir constantly for about three minutes. Do not scald or "overcook" the milk. Remove milk from heat and set aside to cool.
3. Sift together the flour, baking powder and salt in a small bowl.
4. In a separate bowl whisk together the vanilla steeped milk, vanilla extract and greek yogurt.
5. In yet another bowl (this is the one you will add everything to), beat the butter for about three minutes on medium speed until it is light and fluffy and the color is a pale yellow. Add the sugar and beat at least another three minutes or until (once again) light and fluffy. DO NOT OVER BEAT!!! Then add the whole egg and beat for about a minute. Add the egg whites one at a time and beat for a minute after each.
6. Add the flour mixture and the milk mixture to the butter mixture in alternating additions (dry-wet-dry-wet-dry). Mix until just combined.
7. Divide the batter into your cupcake tine and bake for 17-20 minutes or until the tops are golden brown and a toothpick inserted into the middle of a cupcake comes out clean.
8. Remove from the oven and cool completely on a wire rack before frosting.

Vanilla Chocolate Chip Buttercream  Filling

Ingredients:

3 Tbsp butter

2 Tbsp brown sugar

1 Tbsp half and half (give or take depending on desired consistency)

1 to 2 Cups powdered sugar (depends on desired consistency)

1/4 Cup mini chocolate chips

2 Tbsp oreo sprinkles

Directions:

1. Cream butter and brown sugar on medium speed or until light and fluffy.
2. Add 3/4 cups powdered sugar and 2 tsp milk and beat on high.
3. Add more powdered sugar and/or half and half until desired stiffness is reached. Then beat for about 5 minutes (still on high).
4. By hand stir in chocolate chips and oreo sprinkles.

White Chocolate  Frosting

Ingredients: 

1/2 Cup (1 stick) butter

6 oz. White chocolate chips

2 cups (about) powdered sugar

Directions:

1. Melt the white chocolate chips over a double boiler.
2. While chocolate chips are melting, beat the butter until light and fluffy.
3. When mostly melted, remove the chips from the heat and stir to fully melt. Chill in the fridge for about 10 minutes.
4. Once the melted chocolate is cooled add to the butter and beat to combine.
5. Add powdered sugar until desired stiffness is reached and beat for an additional 5 minutes.

To Assemble: 

1. Cut a small cone (triangle) out of each cupcake. Pipe enough of the chocolate chip filling to fill up each hole and then place the top of each cone back onto the cupcake so it doesn't look like its filled. For step by step go to Annie's Eats.
2. Pipe the frosting, or spread in a lump on top of the cupcakes. 
3. Eat, enjoy (and destroy) your  delicious cupcakes!

Baking Galore: Cookie Pie, Smores Brownies, Coffee Cake Muffins!!!

I’m sorry for not posting earlier. I meant to post something (no matter how short or long) everyday but hey, everyone forgets something sometime right? xP Anyways for an update, on Friday I had an awesome time at my schools evening of the arts. Me and my friend E tried to spy on our bio teacher by using our awesome ninja skillz! (AKA I used my awesome Tae Kwon Do skills and E attempted to copy me, lol). I also ate A LOT of apple pie. As in more then half of a full pie! I can feel the pounds growing on me but it was worth it. Apple pie is my favorite dessert. EVER.

            Yesterday I woke up at the ungodly hour of 6 am to go hike up a mountain. Bear Mountain in fact, in NY state. My friends D and M were testing for their black belts so they had to follow grandmaster on a hike up the mountain. I went along to support them. Before I left home I hade a chobani vanilla greek yogurt for breakfast. On top of the mountain we meditated and they took a written test while I snacked and trail mix and an apple. Then we hiked back down, took a quick bathroom break and launched into a 3.3 mile run around the lake at the base of the mountain. I finished first with time of 27 minutes. :D I’m so proud; it’s almost as good as my cross country times!

            After the hike and the run, D and I went to Yo Mon to get frozen yogurt. I got tart (of course) with cookie dough, crushed twix and strawberries. By that time it was already 5 pm so it was basically my dinner (very healthy, I know). When I got home I baked a cookie dough pie and coffee cake muffins for D and M because today they got their black belt and I wanted to give them some sort of treat to celebrate. I also made s’mores brownies for my school friend because it is her birthday on Wednesday. I snacked on these treats as I made them and also on some rotesserie chicken that my dad had bought from Costco. Baking literally took until 11 and by then I was beat and gratefully sank into my bed.

            Today I slept in till 8 am (I wanted to sleep until 10 but I just couldn’t stay asleep). I had eggs for breakfast as well as a few bites of a s’mores brownie and coffee cake muffin. I mean, I can’t give them to people without sampling them first, can I? xP I went to go watch my friends finish testing around 12 and stayed until 2. They all did great and totally deserved their black belts! I snacked on yogurt with granolas and raisins for lunch as soon as I got back from the Tae Kwon Do school. I was STARVING even though I hadn’t actually exercised at TKD. I had totally planned to go for a nice 12 mile bike ride with my dad but… I took a nap instead cuz I was beat. Yes, I know. Pathetic excuse but I was really tired and kinda sore from the hike and run yesterday. When I woke up the pap and I ran to Costco to pick up a power washer and munch on some free samples. Afterwards I worked on homework while my mom cooked dinner, which was baked sweet potatoes, T-bone steak, and sautéed string beans. SOOOOOOOOOO YUMMY!!! I think I overate… but my parent reassured me that I didn’t… I still feel really guilty and I want to binge cuz I feel so guilty… In stead I am watching Ice Age 3 and blogging (DUH). Hopefully I can hold off the negatives feelings and urges until I go to bed…

Here are the pictures of the goodies I baked:

EDIT: ***There were pictures of the pie and brownies and the muffins but my computer spazzed out and wouldn’t let me post them so… I’ll get them up as soon as possible. I promise!!! :D***

Peace yo!
Raven

Slushies, H Mart, Binging and Exams

Today was very stressful. I took two tests (one of which I'm sure I failed), ate a GIANT lunch, skipped Tae Kwon Do, and didn't even get to exercise in fitness today because we had our exam (the test that I failed). In fact I haven't exercised since Tuesday (two days ago). This scares me and makes me anxious. My mind immediately goes to "BAD, You are going to gain weight now!" which frightens me since honestly, RIGHT NOW I WEIGH MORE THEN I EVER HAVE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE (and not in a good way). I have a 23.2 BMI which is pretty damn close to overweight... Or at least to me it is... 

          

I know that I should be fighting against the voices telling me that I'm fat and such but honestly I know that it is kinda true. I'm not as skinny as most of the girls in my grade. Sure, I'm smarter and faster and I've got more endurance and I can beat them all up if I wanted to cuz come on, who else is a black belt? but none of that seems to matter. All that I can focus on is the physical aspects, the size of their breast, the style of their hair, the thickness of their waist, the brand of their clothes... I shouldn't care but that's all my mind can focus on.

It's like a magnet and I'm a piece of metal. I'm being drawn back into old habits. For example this month I began to calorie count again. AGAIN!!! I thought that I had stopped last year! I mean once I started intuitive eating… Well, a lot of things have happened since then (mainly me gaining an unneeded 15 pounds and going back on exchanges with approval from my doctor and nutritionist to lose that weight) but I need to stop dwelling on my weight. If I ever want to get rid of TED (Terrible eating Disorder because my dad’s first name is Ed) then I must stop focusing on my appearance and settle for being content and comfortable with myself. I have to stop worrying about my weight and how much I’m eating and exercising each day.

In fact, this week I stopped exchanges for exactly that reason. I decided that since I am at a healthy weight I’m not going to worry about losing more weight until I can be happy and accept myself for who I am. Maybe when I reach that stage I will realize that I do not need to lose weight. If I still feel uncomfortable with my body even then maybe I will try to lose those 10 pounds but until then I want to try and get my mental health back on track.

Currently, my problem isn’t with restricting and eating too little, it’s not even with purging. Recently I’ve been over eating and occasionally binging. Not noticeably, only on about 1000 calories and only about 3 days a week. So far my nutritionist has passed it off as me over reacting to eating normally but I’ve been intuitively eating since September and I know that cramming 1000 calories down my throat right before I got to bed is not normal for me, even if it’s not affecting my weight. I’m sure that if I continued to do it then my weight would slowly start to climb, I mean I only started mini binging about two weeks ago.

The reason that I binge is pretty clear to me. I see myself in the mirror, look at the lump in my stomach and go “I’m so fat. If I’m such a fatass then I might as well be able to eat what I want” and then I go and cram myself full of sugary snacks and fatty desserts. And then the next morning I feel really guilty, look at my stomach and distort it so that I look fatter, feel the self-pity and do it all over again. It’s just a vicious cycle that isn’t helped by the stress from school and also from my parents.

The other problem I’m having is obsessive exercise. I’m not overly exercising but whenever I exercise I tally up calories burned in my head and I calculate how much I need to exercise to lose weight. And then if I don’t get to exercise for that time period or that intensity I have a panic attack. As in I start crying and hyperventilating and freaking out. Literally. No matter where I am, no matter who is there. That’s the reason I avoided Tae Kwon Do today. I didn’t go because if I don’t exercise then I don’t count overall net calories for the day (at least it worked today and yesterday).

            So yeah… There you have it. All my screwy problems laid out for the world to see (or more like read).

            On to the fun parts of my day! Here is a list of positive things that kept me going:

1.     In chem class we made slushies. Yes we had to shakes a bag full of ice for 20 minutes and yes my hands froze and yes I didn’t even get to eat mine, but still. SLUSHIES.

2.     I had tater tots for lunch. Tater tots + Riley = yummy in my tummy!

3.     I baked a pie. A chocolate chip cookie pie. It is for English class tomorrow and I plan to devour a slice with no guilt. NO GUILT. And no guilt means no reason for binging which means no binge.

4.     I went to H Mart. What is H Mart you ask, well H Mart is a Korean grocery store chain found throughout the US. It is AMAZING! They have every food imaginable except in Asian form. I love it. (I guess my love of all thing Asian comes from my mom being Korean, lol)

5.     I finished a magnificent book. It’s called Hacking Harvard by Robin Wasserman. It rocks. Totally. Knocked my socks off. I am not joking.

6.     I didn’t binge. Nope. I didn’t.

Yeah… I’m gunna wrap up now cuz I kinda got to go to bed. I mean, I do have school tomorrow… I promis that in my post tomorrow I’ll add a picture of my wonderful pie (that is if I remember to before it disappears into the bottomless pits that I call my friends).

Tata!

~Raven/Riley

So... Here Goes Nothing... :D

I have decided (after grueling hours of contemplation) that I am actually going to try and keep this blog. This means I'm going to update it with my daily rants and rambles about  recovery, Tae Kwon Do, baking, reading, and just life in general (basically what ever is on my mind).

So, to start things off, I decided to list a few fun facts about myself. Just so you all would get to know me (not that I really think anyone's reading this but hey? Who really cares?) Anyway:

• I am 14 years old almost 15 and a freshman in high school.
• My favorite pass times are reading books, reading fanfiction, and reading blogs. Basically reading anything. :D
• My other favorite pass times are baking and cooking (to an extent, I must say that my baking skills are far superior to my cooking skills).
• I am currently in recovery from anorexia. I was hospitalized about a year ago and ever since I have been striving towards leaving ED behind me and moving on with my life. Granted I'm not there yet but I hope pouring my heart and soul out will help me with my recovery.
• I like all animals (except jellyfish *shudder* They really scare me)
• I want to be either a doctor or marine biologist when I grow up.
• My favorite colors are (currently, they change ALOT) orange, lime green, and purple
• I don't really enjoy exercising. Really. I swear to you I'm not lying. I do realize that it is healthy and all and some kids in my school would flat out laugh if I told them this but I DO NOT ENJOY RIGOROUS EXERCISE!!! Yes, I do run cross country and yes, I do submit myself to about two hours of Tae Kwon Do almost daily but hey? I don't have to like it, do I? (I suspect the reason that I exercise anyway though is because of my anorexia. The guilt won't go away if I don't exercise for at least x days a week...) :'(
• My favorite sport is Tae Kwon Do (Yes it is considered a sport, LOOK IT UP!) And I am currently a black belt in Tae Kwon Do.

So yeah... That's about it... I could write a whole lot more but I'll save it for some other day, maybe some day when people are actually reading this? lolz

This is Riley (or as I prefer and as some of my close friends call me) Raven signing off.

Peace!

xP

Life Sucks... and Then it Gets Worse!

So... apparently today is Valentines Day, more commonly known as "Single Awareness Day". In all honesty... It SUCKS! Today was one of the worst days of my life... I finally realized how fat I am... Finally realized how friendless I am... Finally realized how dysfunctional my family is... Just this week my crush found out that I liked him... and rejected me... He said "I like you as a friend... So can we just forget about this and just be friends...?" Whatever... I'm over it... Not really but it's not like drowning in self pity is going to get me anywhere... Maybe he doesn't like me because I'm so fat... I weigh 135 f***in' pounds! And I'm only 5' 4"! I gained 10 pounds in two weeks during November and I've been trying to lose it since December! So far I've lost a grand total of... Nada! Woop dee doo! Isn't that just wonderful?! Well... I kinda lost my motivation to finish typing whatever I was going to type... In fact, I completely forgot what I was going to type... Yeah... I know... I'm very smooth... Well, I'm gunna drag my fat-ass self out of here and wrap this up. Life Sucks!
~Raven
P.S. Cakeballs to the first person to read this and actually comment!